Tuesday, February 16, 2010

Snow day, sewing and finding myself

I was woken up this morning by a knock on my door and a small voice.  "Mom, we don't have school today."  "Ok, honey, thanks" I replied.  Still a little groggy, I turned on my radio and lo and behold we did have a snow day today.  I can't believe the amount of snow that has fallen in the last few weeks.  I looked out my window this morning and took this shot (with the camera in my cell phone...sorry for the less than clear pictures, but I think you'll get the idea.)

Well, it snowed all day.  We had a great time just being inside, getting things cleaned up, watching movies, playing video games and sewing. I went out at night to take this picture, again not so great, but for anyone wondering, the fence in the picture is nearly waist high to me, and its almost not visable. Now granted its near the street and has had some snow plowed up next to it, but still....
They say we are probably going to set a record for snowfall in February. We were at 22 inches for the month BEFORE the snow started flying last night. The record is 25. I think we've probably beat that. I know I'm weird, but I still love the snow.
On to quilty news.  I spent part of the day sewing the binding down on the behemoth, my hands are finally letting me get some work done again.  I love it, but don't think I'll ever undertake a project that big and heavy again any time soon. I've rounded the third corner and gotten about 1/3 of the way done on that side so I'm getting oh so close to another finish. :oD  I also got some 1 1/2 inch strips cut for the postage stamp quilt along. I'm doing a bit of a controlled scrappy. I'm using a white on cream for the "background" and reds, browns, greens, blues and yellows for the rest. Here is what I have so far.
I know I have more than enough for the first part of the quilt along, but am going to keep cutting strips as I'm not sure how big I want this quilt to end up. I am excited, though, because the first quilt I ever remember seeing was a postage stamp quilt and I just thought it was the most beautiful thing. I soooo wanted it, and now I am going to make one myself. I also got to basting on the quilt along I did a while back on Amandajean's blog.
All the blues and greens were fat quarters I won from a give away she did. After I got it all together I realized I didn't have enough fabric to bind it and she was kind enough to send me a half yard of coordinating fabric so I even have the binding fabric ready to go.

Now to the "finding me" part of the post.  While I was basting I started thinking about all I've been through, where I'm at and where I want to be.  When I was younger I was so strong. Never backed down from a fight, was never afraid to voice my opinion, faced every new challenge with excitement.  I got married young, and never got the experiences others have had. Some I wish I would have. Like college, my ex got to go, graduated, even studied overseas. Every time I would mention how I felt I missed out on the college experience he would make a remark along the lines of "You really didn't miss out on much, trust me." Over the years I did get to do some of the things I wanted. Some of the things that made me "me", but especially the last few year of my marriage were not "me".  I can look back now and see where I would cave during arguements no matter how strongly I felt, I would put myself absolutely last, put up with things I never would have when I was younger. Even my family saw it and would ask all kinds of "why do you" questions and I would just dance around an answer. I would have panic attacks, my self esteem was terribly low, and even though I found the courage to leave that situation I still have bad days. Days where I question what I've done. Today, however, was not one of those days. Today was one of the days where I was able to look at myself and see the old me. I have more responsiblites now that I ever did in the past, but I face that challenge with strength and know that I can do it. I AM doing it. I feel emotionally better that I have in a long time. I haven't had a panic attack in over a year. I am still working on the self esteem issues, but I know I can't fix everything in just a short ammount of time. I am finding myself again. The one who isn't afraid, who knows she is strong and can do whatever it is she sets her mind to.  I'm not afraid of the future anymore. I can see the sunshine and the positive and it feels good! I know there are still tough times and situations ahead of me, but I know what it feels like to let myself get under my circumstances and I have to do what I can to make sure I don't let myself get there again. The old me...the real me...would never let herself do that. She would take those challenges by the horns and do what she needed to do to get her footing, deal with the problem and get moving foreward again. I'm glad I can see that me in the mirror again :oD
Well, I am off again.  It's getting late and I have a few more things I need to get done yet tonight. I hope everyone has a great day, is staying warm, and makes sure to make a little time for themselves. Warmest country wishes!!

1 comment:

QuiltedSimple said...

I keep hearing snow and hoping they are wrong - only to get dumped on! The kids finally went back to school today - believe me, they were so ready to get back to the routine...lol.....glad you are finding you again - you deserve it!